Trouble Sleeping.

Tonight, I am having trouble sleeping and am haunted by my constant mistakes and mess-ups. I begin to wonder and question myself of what is going on? Life has been amazing and God has been the most real He has ever been to me. I just don’t know what I am thinking or how to explain it. If you are reading this, you are giving this attention and could be attracted to what is on my mind.

Why is it that whenever you have these “highs” with God and being lifted up to these positions that people look up to you in a Spiritual Leader role, that is when it is the toughest? I believe that Satan is trying to discourage me from shining God’s light.

Though I find myself dry and lost,
I view myself as a lost cause,
However, I know that it is darkness haunting me,
The deceiver of truth and the king of falsity,
I know that God is near,
Through this time, He is here.

I know that trusting Him has lead me to where I am,
He works all things for the good of me and who I am,
He sees who I can be,
He sees where I can go,
He knows everything about me,
He is here when I am lost and alone,
He knows my ups and my downs,
He has seen my smiles and my frowns,
He knows my downfalls and my abilities,
He has conquered death, which is the highest feat,
I am reminded of this and it is Him that I seek,
Lord, take over my life and use me for your glory,
I want to be reach others with my story,
Lead me in your path and set my feet straight,
For I know that my life has great fate,
I know that God is near,
Through this time, He is here.
Find me.

For those who are like me and sometimes finding yourself in discouragement on random nights, simply begin to write out your thoughts and how you are confused. I do believe that through this experience, God will find you and lead you back to His grace and His path. I know that He is near and that He cares for those who seek Him out. Seek Him out and He will find you.

God is good.

Mrs. Right vs Mrs. Good-Enough

Do we all have soul mates out there waiting for us to finally find her or him? If we do not find them, do we keep searching or do we settle?

In this entry, I am going to discuss my thoughts on the topic of finding Mrs. Right, or settling for Mrs. Good-enough. Ladies, since I am going to be referring to Mrs. Right throughout this piece, please feel free to change it to Mr. Right and Mr. Good-enough.

Do we all have soul mates or are we searching for the best possible solution to our loneliness? What happens if you know Mrs. Good-enough at this present time and have not met Mrs. Right, do you settle and spend your current life with her? What if you are with Mrs. Good-enough and meet Mrs. Right? Do you drop her and go after Mrs. Right? Or do you not even spend your time with Mrs. Good-enough and continue searching for Mrs. Right? These thoughts constantly race through my mind and thoughts.

Will Mrs. Right come into the lives of those who are seeking her or is there a possibility of never meeting that perfect woman? I continue to wonder this. This is just food for thought.

There's No Way To Reach Me

Have you ever thought about escaping all reality and wanted to get away from everything without a reason? Maybe go and explore places that you have always wanted to go without someone chirping at you every two seconds on the phone or getting nonstop text messages on your messenger. I have been getting that feeling lately. What would the consequences of disappearing for a few weeks?

Just imagine having no places to be, no obligations, or people to please, and have complete freedom as to what you want to do. I feel like I have gotten into many holes that only time will fix and will help fill them back in, so what would it hurt to disappear and come back when its all sorted out?

There’s one song that has sparked these thoughts upon me, it’s called “Vienna” by The Fray. The first part of the song reads:

The day's last one-way ticket train pulls in
We smile for the casual closure capturing
There goes the downpour
There goes my fare thee well

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone

I would be gone from reality and be able to redo my current status. It would be so easy. I could live a complete new life and be who I want to be.

I wish it were this easy. When I wake from daydreaming about this perfect plan, reality is smacked straight back into my face. I guess I am going through these times for a purpose and I am meant to be here. I guess Australia can wait, because I have an obligation to my college, my team, my fellowship, my friends, my family. I cannot escape and disappear because people are counting on me. I wish I could shut off my phone and be nonexistent and get away from all the stresses of the world.

No I am not depressed or becoming emo. I am simply thinking about different angles to life that one can take. This is simply “food for thought.” Now go be all that you can be and maybe one day your time will come where you can get away from all the stresses of the world. Please, just keep plugging away and fulfilling your life’s mission here on earth. God has you at this specific place in your life for a reason, now it’s up to you to do something!

How Could We Do This?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nig4Rbeoqwk
This Blog is revolved around the theme of this video. Hopefully it will change you as it always changes me.

Have you ever stopped from your hectic life and thought about God? Have you stopped and asked yourself “how can I stand here with YOU and not be moved by YOU?”

We all strive to be people in this culture that have meaning and purpose. We want to bring something new and “spicy” to the table so others will accept us. Why is it that we are willing to do anything it takes to be accepted by those around us? We are willing to shut out God for the appreciation of the things of this world.

Why is it that we focus so much on the people and things around us and not give any attention to the very ONE who has made us and died for us? When we focus on getting noticed by those around us, we tend to fall into a sin-filled life where we gain personal pleasures and expect it to be fulfilling. We get so entangled in this way of living that we cannot get out of it. We get tied into a life of partying, sex, porn, gambling, drugs, money, etc, but what sense of worth comes from these lifestyles? Rather than being tied into these lifestyles, we get tied down by these things.

While we had set out on our search to seek out these lifestyles, Jesus was right there next to us. He was walking alongside our path quietly. He doesn’t intrude us though. He quietly and patiently seeks us out. It is as if He watches our every step. We try to make a “rhyme and reason” to our lives and put a meaning that only Jesus can make for us.

While we are seeking our sins out, Jesus is there holding out His hand for our rescue. He is patiently holding on and waiting for us to grasp onto Him so that He can take us out of the bondage of sin. It is our responsibility to recognize it and grab on or turn away and fall away even more. I believe that He is with us when we feel like we are the furthest away from Him. He is standing there waiting for us to turn out of sin and come back to His light.

So why would we turn our backs on someone who has laid down His life for our good? How could we walk away from Him? Is it the fact that we are scared of showing Him our failures? Is it because we are so comfortable living in our sin? If you have watched this video that was posted at the top, notice at the ending (4:08) that God has been reaching out to us the entire time and wants to save us from the insufficient moral of this world. When we finally do reach for Him, (4:50) He will save us from all bondage and disappointments of the world.

Please Trust Him and know that He can save YOU from the darkest of places.

Dont Give Up Just Yet.

This week I have felt the voice and hand of God. This is not some lame statement where I think that a stomach gurgle is supernatural, I have had quite a supernatural experience this week.

These past month, a lot has gone on. Many personal incidents have happened and revealed themselves to me. These occurrences have forced me to throttle back from God. I felt like He led my life into this path where I was left to be miserable. At this time, I pulled my life back to regain my breath. However, this week a dear acquaintance in my class opened up to me. She told me that for a couple weeks, God has highlighted me to her and for me to know that "I need to jump." She continued to express it as "just let go, and let Him catch you."

At this time, I could not focus on the professor at all in class, I was awestruck by this statement. She had no idea what this statement meant, but I knew God had to use her words to catch my attention. This sparked a wondering in my mind to see why I was holding onto my life so tightly.

The next incident occurred at church. During worship, the lead singer was in between songs and stated that God had told him to say, "I feel as tho there are some people in here that have addictions. Just know you need to let go. Let go and FALL INTO HIM."

At this moment, chills shot up and down my entire body, from head to toes. God has never gotten thru to me in any surreal way as this week. He has been seeking me out like crazy. I can honestly say He got my attention. He has given me a peace from all of the tough life situations that have been going on. I can say it is well with my heart.

If you have read this and wonder what does this have to do with you, please take this from it -- seek God out. If you are having trouble hearing God and feel as lonely as I have been these past couple weeks, simply sit in quiet peace. If you just sit in His presence, He will seek you out. He will reveal himself to you if you ask. Don't give up just yet. You can do this. Keep being you and allow Him to find you. Let go of your life and hop on board. He will not let you down. I pray that you will find His glory and find a hope.

Step Up and Truly Be Happy

Why are people afraid of chances? It is as if they put on a parachute, step their toes to the very edge but when it comes time to jump, they do not trust that the parachute will catch them out of the air.

I feel that people get comfortable with mediocrity and they cant trust that there are better things out there that will make them enjoy life that much more. Why is this? Why do people resort to their comfort zone when there are opportunities all around them?

Sometimes people need to step out of their comfort zone and ditch the losers of your life and notice that there are many good things all around you. People need to be able to take a chance so that they can begin to not regret anything and wonder “what if.”

Therefore, please step out of your comfort zone and pursue what YOU want and need. Please don’t be afraid of taking chances. You will find that in the end you have nothing to lose and that you will begin to find who you truly are.

You Haven't Lost Me YET.

It is humorous as to how much music and different songs can state your feelings better than you can state it yourself. You can scratch out your feelings on a piece of paper when a simple song on your iPod can clearly list out your feelings and address your problems.
I truly love the music that Switchfoot puts out. They released an album recently that’s titled Hello Hurricane. Among each track on the album, one describes the life obstacles I am currently facing – this track is titled “Yet.”

This song begins to describe how one’s life is slowly failing and falling away from where it should be. A group of lines read as

I’m losing ground and gaining speed,
I’ve lost myself or most of me,
I’m headed for the final precipice

I feel as though my life is spinning out of control and is headed straight for a cliff where I’ll be lost forever and never to be found again. The very next group of lines read as

But you haven’t lost me yet,
No, you haven’t lost me yet,
I’ll sing until my heart caves in,
No, you haven’t lost me yet

As my life is spinning out of control and heading for destruction, I feel as though I have enough energy to make one last cry out to God. He hasn’t lost me yet, but I know I am in desperate need of Him and His divine guidance. I am at the dry wasteland where I am alone and am in need of His love. I know He is the ultimate friend and comforter, but I am here wondering why I am like this.
Towards the end of the song, it has some lines that read,

If it doesn't break
If it doesn't break
If it doesn't break
If it doesn't break your heart
It isn't love
If it doesn't break your heart
It's not enough
It's when you're breaking down
With your insides coming out
That's when you find out what your heart is made of

I am at the “Make or Break” part. I know there are those of you that know exactly what I am talking about. You feel as though there is no purpose in life and that you are just “chilling” there going nowhere fast.
I want to say that there is hope. I am in the trusting part where I know something good will come out of this. Just keep your head up and keep pushing your hardest through the tackles of life – don’t get knocked down. Rather, keep pluggin away and you will succeed. I have hope and you should too.